the first of many...

Dear Lilly Bean...
  Eight months is approaching quickly, and my heart hurts more and more as it gets closer. I miss you so much little girl. I ache for you.
   I feel like I got the short end of the stick when it comes to life, but then on the other hand I feel like the luckiest mommy alive. Short end because you're not here with me..and I'm reminded every day of that. Lucky, because I have the perfect daughter. :) And most beautiful in my mind.
   I want to scream and ask WHY. Why aren't you here with me? It's not fair. I needed you here, I wanted you here. But God had other plans for you, and for me and Daddy.
   He misses you to, ya know. It's hard for him to express his feelings like Mommy does. But he aches just as much as I do.
   Most people don't recognize the daddies...but he's hurting and missing you right along with me.
   I can't help but sit and wonder what you would have been. Who you would have been. I know that you would have been great at whatever you did in life. And I would have always supported you.
   I had a dream about you the other night. It was so real, so vivid. I ached, yet I was happy... because for the time I was dreaming, I was holding you again. Even typing those words now brings tears to my eyes. The dream was horrible. It was November 13th all over again.
  The dream still haunts me...it got into my head...it was bad. I saw your eyes. They were bright blue. I knew it was a dream then, because you were destined to have chocolate brown eyes like your mommy and daddy.
   I miss you Lilly Bean. So much...forever. I'll never stop loving you...

Love,
 Mommy