Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas #2 Without you.

Dear Lilly Bean,
 Today marks the second Christmas that I have spent without you. This is the second Christmas that my heart is ripped from my chest every time I think about how I should be watching you tear into gifts... I was supposed to be watching your eyes light up with joy as you opened your new toys.
 It was supposed to be a happy Christmas. It was supposed to be a family Christmas. This Christmas though, is a little different than last year. Last year, my pain was fresh. I ached with every fiber of my being. And as much as I still hurt - I feel that I can make it through a whole lot easier this year.
 I have many mixed emotions about this day. About everything, actually. I love you little girl, and miss you so much...especially today.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Dear Little Bean,
 Christmas is coming fast...and I am missing you more with every passing moment. I can't wait to see you again...

Until Then,

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

oh how I miss you.

Dear Baby Girl...
 Oh how I miss you with every passing day. My heart breaks every morning that I wake up and have to realize all over again that this isn't a horrible nightmare, that it is my reality.
 I constantly think about about you. I've been thinking about a lot of things recently. How things could have gone... how things should have gone.
 I'm sure you'd be walking by now...and I know that you would be Daddy's little angel. And Mommy's little helper.
 I'd be getting all of your Christmas gifts wrapped and under the tree...even though you wouldn't understand what they were for. We would have already had pictures take...all ready and wrapped up for your Gigi & Poppy....and for Gammy too!
 There are so many times that I think...what if? I know that this was the Lord's will... but baby girl, I miss you so much. I ache inside. I'm lonely...and I'm empty.

I love you Sweet Lilly.