soon.

Dear Lilly,
 Your birthday is soon...and with every passing moment, I dread it even more. And on top of all the other feelings that have taken over...I feel guilt. Guilt because we won't be here on your birthday. I won't be able to visit the cemetary on your birthday. Daddy and I thought it would be best if we go out of town.
 We're going to the beach for 5 days. I think it will be good. I hope it will be good. But I still feel guilty. Guilty that I won't be here...that I won't be coming to "see" you.
 Don't think for a second that we won't be thinking about you, sweet girl. Even now, almost a year later... we miss you with ever fiber of our being.
 You were and still are our world. We love you, forever.

Love,
 Mommy & Daddy

miss you.

Dear Lilly,
 I can't help but think that things would be so much easier if you were here.

I miss & love you,
        Mommy

Oct.15

Dear Lilly,
 Today is pregnancy & infant loss awareness day. I hate that you and I (and Daddy) are part of that number. I hate being a member of the babyloss community. And I hate that you are now a 1 in 4 statistic.
 I'm honoring you today. Remembering your short 9 month long life here on earth, in my tummy. I remember you every day girl, but today especially.
 There is so little to hold on to... but I'm holding tight to what I've got left.

I love you...all my heart.

Always,
 Mommy

eleven.

Dear Lillian...
Today marks the eleven month mark. You've been gone for eleven months. As I type these words, it still doesn't feel real.
I miss you with every fiber of my being. I would do anything to have you back in my arms today. Anything.
My love for you grows with every passing moment. As does my pain. I thought it'd get easier, Baby. But it hasn't...and I don't think it will.
You'll always be missed...you'll always be remembered...and you will always always be loved.

Forever,
   Mommy

close.

Dear Lilly,
 Soon it will be 11 months since you've been gone. Your birthday approaches with every passing moment, and it breaks my heart.
 I keep praying that I'll be able to keep it together. That I won't fall apart. But I'm sure that I will. How can I possibly be strong?
 I love you little girl. All my heart.

Forever,
 Mommy

*love you*

Dear Lilly,
 I love you.

Love,
 Mommy