11.13.2010

Dear Lilly Bean,
  Exactly one year ago, Daddy and I said hello and goodbye...all in one breath. In my opinion, this pain that we endure daily is a pain that no parent should ever have to feel.
  This last year has been filled with heartbreak,tears,confusion,pain,jealousy... and then finally, acceptance,love, laughter... and hope.
   I keep playing the events of that cool November day over and over in my head. Oh how I would give anything in this world to go back to those last few days and do everything differently. Demand a ultrasound... demand that I be induced earlier. But would it have changed the outcome? I really don't think it would have.
   I believe that God allowed you to pass gently, without pain or suffering - and I believe that for what ever reason, that even if you were born alive...that we would have endured unimaginable pain.
   There is a reason for everything...I truly do believe that. I only wish that I understood the reason for you being taken from me. The reason for you dying. But here we are, a year later...and nothing. No reasons... confusion and pain still remain, even after all this time.
   Daddy and I are thinking of you sweet girl...dreaming of the day that we will be together. We love you, with everything within us. You will forever be a part of us...and we will always carry you in our hearts.
   Happy birthday baby girl...Heavenly Birthday, that is.

I love you...I miss you...


Love,
 Mommy