missing you, baby girl.

Dear Lilly Bean...
 Daddy and I are headed on vacation in a few days. We weren't supposed to go. We weren't supposed to be able to afford vacation, because we were supposed to be taking care of a little bundle of joy. a.k.a - you.
 It's still so hard to accept that you're gone...that you're no longer with us here on earth. It's killing me on the inside.
 I miss you so much little girl... more than any person could ever understand. I think of you constantly. There isn't a day (or hardly an hour) that goes by that you don't pass through my thoughts.
 I thought that I was past the breaking down in public phase. No such luck. I met a beautiful baby girl on Friday. Her name is Lily. Her mommy and daddy prayed for her for a long time, after they lost three of her brothers/sisters before her. When I heard her name, I lost it. I couldn't help but think of you.
 Not in a million years did I ever think that I could love someone (that I never met) as much as I love you, little girl.
 I still remember holding you like it was yesterday. I remember your precious face...with such a peaceful look on it. I remember your soft skin. I remember your smell. I remember your beautiful dark brown hair. I remember how tiny you were. I remember you. I'll never forget you, Lilly. I love you with everything that I am, and I always will.


Loving you until the end of time,
                                                 Mommy

Thinking of you...

Dear Lilly,
 I miss you.

Love,
 Mommy

bad day...

Dear Lilly Bean,
  Everytime I have a bad day and I sit back and think of the reasons behind my bad day...it always comes back to you.
  I miss you so much, and my life will never be complete because you are no longer in it. You were my world for nine (almost ten) long months.
  It's hard to know how to go on without you. I don't know how to function...I don't know how to breath. I had to start taking medication because my heart can't handle my pain anymore. :(
  Lilly, don't forget me... I'll be there soon baby girl. Know that Mommy and Daddy love you with all of our hearts. You'll always be my first...you'll always be my baby...you'll always be in my heart.

Love,
 Mommy

*eight months*

Dear Lilly,
 Yesterday was 8 months exactly since Daddy and I had to say goodbye to you. My heart aches for you. I hope you know that I always have and always will love you. More than life itself...until my last breath. I can't wait to see you one day precious baby girl...

Love,
 Mommy

*Nine Months Later*

*Nine Months Later*

Our dreams for you began in March of that year.

Dreams of who you would be.

Thoughts of beginning our parenting career,

Who would you look like - Daddy or me?

The months passed by quick,

And we learned we were having a baby girl!

We fell more in love with you with every little kick,

As we filled the nights with talk of pink ribbons and curls.

Daddy painted your room "Lilly Bean" green,

And Mommy added the finishing touches.

With everything ready we became excited about a baby coming on the scene.

Nine months later, one cool November day,

It was time to meet you, to see your sweet face.

Before time came to see you - you had already slipped away.

We still ache for your, Sweet Lilly - but we rest in knowing you're in a better place.

So rest in the arms of Jesus in Heaven my child...

Until Mommy and Daddy can meet you there.

the first of many...

Dear Lilly Bean...
  Eight months is approaching quickly, and my heart hurts more and more as it gets closer. I miss you so much little girl. I ache for you.
   I feel like I got the short end of the stick when it comes to life, but then on the other hand I feel like the luckiest mommy alive. Short end because you're not here with me..and I'm reminded every day of that. Lucky, because I have the perfect daughter. :) And most beautiful in my mind.
   I want to scream and ask WHY. Why aren't you here with me? It's not fair. I needed you here, I wanted you here. But God had other plans for you, and for me and Daddy.
   He misses you to, ya know. It's hard for him to express his feelings like Mommy does. But he aches just as much as I do.
   Most people don't recognize the daddies...but he's hurting and missing you right along with me.
   I can't help but sit and wonder what you would have been. Who you would have been. I know that you would have been great at whatever you did in life. And I would have always supported you.
   I had a dream about you the other night. It was so real, so vivid. I ached, yet I was happy... because for the time I was dreaming, I was holding you again. Even typing those words now brings tears to my eyes. The dream was horrible. It was November 13th all over again.
  The dream still haunts me...it got into my head...it was bad. I saw your eyes. They were bright blue. I knew it was a dream then, because you were destined to have chocolate brown eyes like your mommy and daddy.
   I miss you Lilly Bean. So much...forever. I'll never stop loving you...

Love,
 Mommy