resting place.

Dear Lilly Bean,
 Today marks nine months since Daddy carried (your body) to your final resting place. I can't even begin to tell you how hard that day was for me... for us.
 It was literally Hell on earth, Lilly. Watching the men take you from their car- watching your daddy struggle as he took your casket into his arms. My heart physically ached as I walked by your Daddy's side as he carried you. I hurt, we hurt - but I was so incredibly proud of your Daddy that day. He was strong for me...for you.
 I still see you clearly. For that I am so very thankful. Thankful that God has allowed my memories of you to remain vivid. He know, Lilly. He knows that I am afraid of not remembering you. I never want to forget anything about you.
 I remember the smell of the chapel that day. It smelled of all the flowers that were sent in your honor. So many people came to honor you that day. People traveled from near and far- they came because they loved us. All three of us.
 I remember walking in the chapel that day. And I remember looking at your tiny,precious, yet lifeless body. I remember thinking (and saying) how beautiful you were/are. You are the most beautiful baby that I've ever seen, Lillian Joy.
 Nine months ago today, I said my final goodbye - until we meet in Heaven.
 With every single breath I take, I miss you. I want you. I love you.
 You are my world, Little Girl. And I don't know how to do this without you.

Loving you longer than forever,
                                    Mommy